What do you do when you realize you don't like something about the way you parent, but feel helpless to change it? Or worse yet, you don't like a certain behavior in your 3 year old and worry that it is because of the way you parent. I look at the way Kade acts in certain situations and think, Does he act that way because of how we parent? Would he act differently if we changed our behavior? How do you change something when your 3 year old expects and even demands something else? When it has been 3 years of "this" how do you change to "that?" Now, I know, 3 year olds will be 3 year olds. Again, I don't expect my children to be perfect. But, when I see something that needs to be changed, where do I start? *sigh*
By the way, some of these are rhetorical questions. I'm not seeking advice as much as I am wondering if anyone knows where I am coming from. I rarely get vulnerable on this blog because I have had some very rude and unsolicited advice before. I am more just wanting to write out some of the thoughts in my head as it has been a VERY HARD day! (Not that I am trying to frighten anyone away from leaving comments either.) I think I have felt every emotion on the spectrum today. From joy and laughter, to tears and sorrow. Not to mention my stomach is all messed up. Unfortunately, my body responds to stress often times by getting sick. Ugh!
Anyways, sorry for being vague. Due to the fact that this blog is public, and there are some people that I don't want to know certain things, I can't share everything I am thinking at this point. I'm just so thankful for my family and for the things I learn on a daily basis. I am also so thankful for Bryan and how much he loves me and our children. I am proud for things he is overcoming in his life and for the leadership he provides. Bryan recently wrote an article about Judges 2:6-10 which tells of the death of Joshua and his generation; and verse 10 is a very sad verse “and there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, or the work that He had done for Israel.” Joshua and his generation failed to tell those younger generations what the LORD had done for them. This is so sad to me. Bryan is challenged by this and has said that it is his desire to leave behind a godly legacy to our children and for the generations that come, to know what Christ is truly about.
I guess that is all I want to say for now. Although, Deborah, I just read your other comment and I will tell the very, very, very short story about my afternoon. Basically, Kade had gymnastics today and he was so upset that he was sobbing and would not participate. We were trying to think of what we could do to calm him down when the coach asked us to leave. It was a little embarrassing and very sad as Kade was heartbroken to leave. To make matters worse, the lady behind me said that he was too young for the class. It is a 3 year old class and Kade is almost 3 1/2. He was having a bad day (having a bad week really) and I know he would have participated in time. Just makes you feel like a bad parent and a whole lot of other emotions!
7 comments:
Oh Janet. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that today. Kade is just 3 1/2. They should have been more understanding about the situation. That's just what 3 year olds do sometimes. You shouldn't be embarrassed, although I know it's hard to control those feelings sometimes. They just didn't handle things correctly by asking you to leave and that other lady should have just kept her yapper shut.
As for changes in some ways regarding parenting.... I've certainly been there. I can't tell you how many times at the end of the day I wished I had done something different, handled certain situations differently, etc. I truly feel like parenting is an ongoing learning process. We're not expected to stick with a certain "style". I think at this age it's ok to try different things until you find something that works for you and your children. It's never too late. I just want you to know that I completely understand your struggles. You are a wonderful mom. Hugs.
I'm so sorry Janet. I do know exactly what you mean. I've been questioning the same things lately. Perhaps it is just their age and when they're a little older the parenting we've been doing will click with them.
I think you're an amazing mom and I wish I could handle my kids with such patience and grace as you do. I hate that you had to be in that situation. The coach shouldn't have made you leave.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Sophie has had many days when she didn't want to participate in something and I know she would enjoy it. The thing I have struggled most with her situation is that I cannot control her or her emotions. I've somewhat learned (though it is still a struggle) to stop trying to. She is who she is and her emotions are part of her. The good news I would say is that she has grown out of a lot of that. Kade will too. Just keep exposing him to new things and he will eventually learn there is nothing to fear in newness. You are a great mom. Hang in there and know that we all feel like failures sometimes. Call me if you need to talk:)
Thank you for your sharing. I think most of the moms out there can relate to the range of feelings parenting causes us to experience. I'm sad that it happened that way yesterday, and really sad you got a rude comment from someone. I'm going to give you the same thing you gave me one time, a knowing smile that only a mommy can give. Who knew that little tiny people could cause us to question ourselves so much! I'm praying for perseverance for you today!
I'm so sorry sweetie! What a jerk the coach was especially since I'm assuming you paid for classes. After you're done with them, if you don't think you'll go back, I'd say something to the owner of the gym. Someone working with 3 year olds should know something about them not to mention that you ARE the customer in the situation!
Oh sweet girl!!! I completely KNOW how you feel and have been there so many times(at least once or twice weekly)!! I get trapped in the
"I am not at all sufficient or qualified to be a mom" mode and it seems like a snow ball effect and it is overwhelming :( Then at some point, just when i need it, a still quiet voice tells me it's that I am not sufficient and that I don't have it all together, because my Savior is sufficient and does have it all together and that's all that matters. Being a mommy is so incredibly hard and emotionally draining!! Sayin a little prayer for ya tonight girlie :)
P.S. I agree that you are a fantastic mom..you have sweet, precious babies, so you just keep on keeping on!!
Just want to send love and hugs your way. I can relate on many of my own levels. Just hang in, I think we all go through that spectrum and it truly is more difficult than many people will ever understand.
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